Friday, December 4, 2009

Adventures in Real Estate

Yesterday I actually had to travel for business, which meant that I had to actually shower and put on nice clothes other than my pajamas. I am so out of practice with getting up early, bathing, putting on makeup, doing my hair....then getting both girls ready. I did it though with no major problems. (I won't mention the fact that my husband accidentally took his car keys to work, which is 45 min. away). I won't mention that because I found the spare key.

I picked up my broker because she agreed to ride with me to my closing (did I mention it was almost four hours away from where I live?). Remember Suzzi? She will never be the same after the day we had! I picked her up on time and we started the long drive ahead of us. As we got onto the Interstate, I said "Suzzi, I have never ever been pulled over or gotten a ticket. I'm just not much of a speeder. Can you believe that in 15 years of driving I haven't been pulled over?" Suzzi, being a practical person, knocked on the car door and said "Knock on Wood."

Fast forward about thirty minutes. I was happily driving along, using my cruise control, and chatting on the phone. I saw an officer pull behind me, but I didn't think anything of it. UNTIL HE PULLED ME OVER. Instead of being upset, like normal people would be, my reaction was laughter....and more laughter. Here is excerpts from our conversation:

Officer: Ma'am, do you know the speed limit?
Me: Yes, (smile), 55??
Officer: Well, I clocked you going 72 in a 50 back there.
Me: (more smiling) Oh no, I'm so sorry!!
Officer: Can I see your license and registration?
Me: Um....okay. I've never done this before. (this is when I took out EVERYTHING in my glove box) I'm not sure what I'm looking for. (Suzzi found my registration)
Officer: Ma'am, do you have an updated registration? This is expired.
Me: (more smiling) No, I have renewed it, but it is at home.

Then there was the long pause when he went to his car and probably wondered, "Why does that chick keep smiling at me for a speeding ticket?"

When he returned, I don't know what came over me. Maybe I was trying to be charming. All I can say is that some latent Southern drawl came out of my mouth as I said, "I just can't believe I got pulled over!!! (smile, bat eyelashes) I'm traveling on business and I just told Suzzi here that I am thirty years old and have never been pulled over. (more smiling and batting of eyelashes). I think my charm worked. He put me down as going 59 in a 50, which will be a $130 ticket.


Here are the lessons I learned from this:

1. When you have antlers and a red nose wired to the front of your Explorer, you just may be a target. That officer probably went back and told his buddies, "I just pulled over a ditzy chick in a Rudolph truck."

2. When getting pulled over, a Southern drawl never hurts. Batting your eyelashes isn't a bad idea either.

3. When getting pulled over, try to resist the urge to laugh and smile at the officer. It confuses him.

4. When you shower, put on makeup, and fix your hair, people are nicer to you. I should do this more often....perhaps I would have more friends.

5. NEVER, and I mean NEVER brag about not getting pulled over while you are going 72 mph. It will totally jinx you and you will get pulled over.

I wish the trip home was less eventful, but it wasn't. That's the thing with me. Crazy stuff happens wherever I go, and I always laugh about it. (It's the medication, people. I can't help it). On the way home, I stopped at the smallest little gas station I have ever been to called "Winky Dinks." The gas pumps were the old fashioned kind where you pull up the lever. I prepaid $40. The pump was going ridiculously slow, so the attendant came out to pump it himself (I guess people feel sorry for girls with antlers and red noses on their vehicles). He filled it up to the $20 mark, then the gas RAN OUT. The attendant said (in a real Southern drawl) "The gas ran out. The truck aint been here in awhile. Pull up to another pump." At this point, I looked at Suzzi and said, "Where are we?" So I used two pumps. Did I mention that Winky Dinks is across from a saloon, which is connected to a little tiny post office? Someone will read this and think I am kidding about that, but I promise I am not. One movie came to mind....Deliverance.

I wish the rest of the trip went smoothly, but it wasn't. Once again, this is me we are talking about. I got lost. Missed some turns. I ended up an hour and a half off track. I was thinking I had been driving forever when I started recognizing streets and the area we were in....I thought "I have been here before." Two seconds later, it clicked. I was on Indiana University's campus!!! IU is nowhere near where I needed to be. Sigh. Poor Suzzi. At this point she realized that:

1. Former elementary teachers have no idea how to travel for business. In fact, they are pretty sheltered from traveling anywhere during the day.
2. She hired a total nerd who talked her ear off incessantly for eight hours in the car.
3. She will never agree to ride in a car with me again.

Even though I ended my fifteen year streak of no run-ins with the law and got a tour of Indiana, the happy ending is that I did get a commission for closing the deal.


Amber* said...

so the actuality of it isn't too funny, but they way you wrote that was hilarious!

Lindsay said...

It was me. I have a warped sense of humor!

Beth Terry Merchant said...

Were you too embarrased to mention that you sis-in-law teaches in the school Corp associated with the Winky Dinks town !?!? And you DO realize your mother-in-law is from a town smaller than Mackey(that's where the gas station was)? Thanks for coming down & sealing the deal on my new place :) I owe you more every day!

Starla said...

That's my girl! You make a mama proud. Always wear lipstick, most sins are forgiven. Batting of eyelashes should only be brought out for true emergencies and this counted as one.