Monday, April 5, 2010

Emotional Easter

A good portion of my Easter Sunday was spent with me being emotional. Tears were shed.
The problem is I have visions of how I want my life to look like with my family. Sometimes things happen exactly how I wish, but sometimes reality doesn't live up to my vision. Weeks ago I asked my brothers and their fiances if I could cook a huge Easter feast for them on Saturday night. I was looking forward to it, but it ended up getting the ax because of the Butler game and the fact that I don't have a big t.v. So everyone agreed to come over Sunday afternoon AFTER they ate huge Easter meals with everyone else's families (the fiances). Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my future sis-in-laws and all other members of my family that I spent time with yesterday. I just got so upset because I got to thinking about how Easter was when I was little. When I was little we would find our Easter baskets, have a big breakfast, then head to my Grandma and Grandpa's house for an afternoon of fun. We would run around and have egg hunts outside and my Grandma would cook a huge feast. There would be cousins and my aunt and uncle. The sad thing is that this just doesn't happen anymore. My relatives live all over the country now and aren't particularly close. So I felt so alone......for the first time (or maybe the second or third), I felt like an only child.

After lunch yesterday, I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I missed my mom. I missed my dad. That's all I could think about. Everybody gets to go have fun with their parents on Easter, except me. My parents live in two totally different states that are very, very far away from where I live. I think I was sad because my kids won't have the same kind of Easters as I had. I felt the exact same way at Thanksgiving. I want a big family with lots of people running around! I can't even get people to come over for dinner when there is a basketball game on!

Someone on Facebook asked me if we just all laugh all the time at our house. I said pretty much. That's not true though. I am an emotional sap behind the scenes. I always get super emotional on my birthday too because it always boils down to one thing......I miss my mom. I miss my dad. It's that simple. My parents are alive and healthy, but I never see them. I am also not much of a phone talker.

I left my dad a message yesterday and texted my mom. I called the Grandma that I used to spend those fun Easters with. She felt sad too.

We were invited to an egg hunt at my broker's house. We were supposed to leave and I was still sobbing about missing my mom and my dad. Avery said, "Mom....would you stop? I am NOT going anywhere with you if you are crying like this!" Can you tell she has probably heard those same words spoken to her? Ha!

I did start to feel a little better. I woke up with a fresh perspective. I can't count on other relatives to make holidays special for me, my husband, and our daughters anymore. We are the parents now. It is up to us to start traditions and keep them, even if they are new traditions. Life is what we make it. I was crying about old traditions instead of focusing on making our own.

We did have fun this weekend, which I will blog about soon. We also had our usual hilarious moments. We do laugh a lot around here. I am so happy that people perceive us to be a happy family because we ARE a happy family. I am blessed beyond belief. But I am human. I still cry like anyone else. I feel this huge hole lately, like I am missing out on being closer to my mom and my dad. You only get one shot at life.

On a funny note, we ended the day by watching High School Musical 3 with Avery. I got all emotional AGAIN at the end! I am embarrassed to admit that but I cried my eyes out when the kids were graduating from high school and making college plans at the end. Who knew that Troy and Gabriella could be so endearing?

I hope all of you had a Happy Easter and that you were able to either continue old traditions or start some new ones!


The Spoonamore's said...

I, too, get weepy at holidays, wishing things were the way they "used" to be. You're absolutely right about creating your own traditions with your girls, so they too, will have something to look forward to year after year, and want to emulate for their own children.

Niki "Marinade" Kline said...

I'm sorry you had a sad time yesterday. Don't feel alone! Our family holidays are a fraction of what they used to be and it's b/c our ppl keep passing away and no one is having any babies to make "new ppl" in our family :) Our baby will be the first in our family since my cousin who is now 16! We decided yesterday that we ARE our own family now and we are going to start making our own traditions. It's exciting and scary but I bet you'll come up with some great/memorable ideas. We will be moving every 3 years for the next 10 or so and I can't imagine what sense of family our kids are going to have, but we'll see what happens. You're right, things are def not what they used to be and it's hard, but as you carry on your new traditions each year I bet it will get better :) {{{hugs}}} I hate to hear that you were sad.